This content is for mature audiences and may contain triggers involving, but not limited to, self-harm and suicide.
My name is R.G. Tanner, and I am a schizophrenic.
Some people descend into madness, I was born into it. I have never known a life without schizophrenia. When I was a kid I saw purple aliens and my best friend was a fourteen year old girl who was a heroin addict from Florida, both of which were hallucinations. None of these things are “normal” but it’s the only life I knew. Around that time my large spider friend showed up named Humphry. He’s three foot by three foot and blue and yellow.
Living with schizophrenia can be incredibly intimidating. There are voices constantly screaming at you, telling you how hideous you are and that you need to die. I often think of my voices as their own conscious being that has one objective, for me to die by suicide. I fight each and every day so that I don’t give into their twisted desires for me to plummet to the pits of despair and take my own life. Life with schizophrenia is constantly out thinking the voices so that you don’t die by your own hand, or at least that’s how it is for me.
For me, some of my biggest struggles is that I think of myself as the most hideous creature to have ever lived. The voices drill that into me on a constant basis, and I even see a disgusting creature that barely resembles a human in the mirror. Another thing the voices love to harp on me about is that I am absolutely and utterly unloved. The voices try to isolate me so that I will want to give into their desire.