I'm Better Than You Think

By Ruth Theodora

Hi, my name is Ruth Theodora — and my boyfriend broke up with me after being together for 4 years.

Before we broke up, we were already planning for our marriage. We were going through all of the steps: saving money together, going to wedding exhibitions, I looked for a wedding dress, and we were days away from reserving venue in Bali. 

But, then his attitude started to change. At first I thought it was because of a few problems his family was having, but I was wrong. As the days went on, our relationship became worse. He stopped speaking to me and started to completely ignore me. It was like he just forgot all about me. I tried to save our relationship by messaging him, calling him, sending him some food to his place, and I even asked a friend of ours to try to talk to him. At this point point, I basically knew it was over.

After my friend talked with my ex, he explained to me that my ex didn’t want to continue our relationship because he was afraid of marriage. My ex said that he wasn’t ready to have a serious commitment because he thought that marriage wasn’t some easy thing. He thought that most married couples just had a really bad end  and he thought, “what is the point of marriage if in the end I just split with her?”.

At that moment, I cried. I just didn’t understand why he would do this. Did he stop loving me? After all this time, after every promise that he said to me, after all our dreams to have a happy family. I just cried, and cried, every single day. Did he stop loving me? Honestly, I really didn’t want to live any longer, but I then I would remember the faces of friends, family, and people who loved me.

A few weeks later, my ex finally called me and asked me to meet. At this point, I knew that he wanted to end this relationship, but half of my heart hoped that he would apologize to me and we’d work things out. Finally, I met with him and yes, he ended the relationship. After all of the things that he had to say, I simply asked him about all of the promises that he made with me. He couldn’t give me a straight answer, and he admitted that he was guilty of everything. So, I got up and left.

I promised myself that I would never look back. I deleted every single picture that we had and threw away every single thing that he gave to me. I deserved someone better than him, and every single tear was too precious for him. I started to set new goals for my life and I started to change the way I think. I was no longer “just a woman who needs a man.” I’m an independent woman that can do everything I set my mind to. My life will never again depend on any relationship or any man. I started to focus on my career, my family, and my friends, but the most important thing was that I started to forgive my ex. Why should I forgive him after abruptly leaving me? Because forgiving him meant that I could finally let everything go.

And after 6 months of struggle, finally, I could really move on from everything. Now I am pursuing my dream job, focusing on ME, and loving every moment of it. What will my future be like without my ex? Whatever I want it to be.

Ruth Theodora

Ruth Theodora is an aspiring blogger based in Indonesia.

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