Setting Boundaries
With Lisa Gallo

HOW SETTING BOUNDARIES STRENGTHENED MY RELATIONSHIPS
Boundaries: a foreign topic to me until the last couple of years. I received a lot of โme, too!โ commentsย and messages from my Instagram post about setting boundaries, so Iโve decided to expand on the topicย here.
Pretty sure I was born a people-pleaser. I am the QUEEN of over promising and over-committing myselfย to plans and activities โ and most of the time, itโs to make others happy,ย not myself.
Too many commitments squeezed into my already busy schedule always amounts to added stress. Theย built-up stress leads to anxiety. The anxiety leads to panic attacks. Oh, and if I cancel or just donโt showย up to plans Iโve committed to? The guilt I feel is paralyzing. Itโs a vicious cycle, and one that takes its tollย on me both physically and mentally.
I stumbled upon a quote that sums up boundaries (or the lack thereof) in my life:
โIf you avoid conflict to keep the peace, you start a war inside yourself.โ โ Cheryl Richardson
The war I create inside myself when I donโt set boundaries not only causes me anxiety, but it also keepsย me from developing real, meaningful relationships with myself and with others.
So, what exactly are boundaries?
According to The Center for Stress and Anxiety Management, boundaries help us to define who we are.ย They orient us in our relationships, and signify to us and to others where โI end and you beginโ.
To me, setting boundaries simply means knowing my limits a.k.a. learning to say โnoโ to others, to plans,ย to activities, to anything, in order to benefit myself and my ability to develop meaningful relationshipsย with others.
Now, boundaries can be physical, emotional, spiritual, etc., but Iโm specifically talking about settingย boundaries with others when it comes to commitment.
While Iโm still a newbie to this, hereโs how I set boundaries:
1. Assess the situation โ Instead of automatically agreeing, asking โฆDoes this fit in my schedule? Isย this something I want to do/attend?
2. Ask myself what is best for me โ Will this stress me out? I need to be aware of and respect myย personal limits.
3. Make a decision.
4. Communicate my decision with emphasis on WHY I made it to the other person/group โย honesty is key here!
5. Move forward guilt-free.ย
I just made it sound easy, but this process takes time and effort. For me, the most important step I needย to practice and put effort into is No. 4: communication.
Before learning about the importance of boundaries, I used to come up with not-exactly-true reasonsย why I couldnโt be somewhere for someone. For example, Iโd say, โI donโt feel well. Iโm out for tonight.โย While that was kind of true (considering the guilt from bailing usually made me sick to my stomach), itย often wasnโt the real reason.
With the help of therapy, Iโve learned that openness and honesty are key. Instead of making somethingย up, I now do my best to speak the truth and communicate that to my family and friends. So, instead ofย โfeeling sickโ Iโll say, โIโm committed to another event tonight, so Iโm unable to make this one,โ OR โIโmย worn out from the work week and am going to take some time to relax. Letโs reschedule for anotherย time!โ
I communicate this in a calm and respectful manner, of course. And more often than not, my family andย friends understand (if they donโt, then thatโs a reason to assess that specific relationship in my life).ย
The hardest part in all of this for me? Learning that taking care of myself is NOT selfish.
Taking care of myself first allows me to be more present in life, and that alone benefits my relationships.
It opens the line of communication, allows me to be 100 percent honestย and 100 percent myself โฆ Notย only have I learned more about myself in this process, others have, too.
I truly believe that boundaries are essential to real, meaningful relationships.
You must set boundaries in your closest relationships so that you can feel accepted, heard and loved โฆย Part of feeling connected to someone is allowing him or her to truly see you and what you’re all about.
Boundaries have helped me to understand what true self-care is, how to love myself, and how toย respect the boundaries that others need, too.
Now, I am still a serious work in progress over here โ setting boundaries takes effort and doesย notย happen overnight! Iโm making it a priority to practice boundaries daily and it has benefitted me SOย much so far. Itโs helped me to stay true to myself and to the people in my life.
Do you struggle with setting boundaries? How do you plan to implement boundaries into your life?
xoxo,
Lisa
Introduce yourself! Who are you?
Hi, Iโm Lisa! Spirited marketer and lively PR gal by day, old-soul homebody by night. Iโve spent all 27ย years of my life in the Sunshine State โ with some adventures thrown in, of course. I live to create andย develop meaningful relationships with others. I love traveling, meeting new people and going onย adventures, but I also thrive from routine โฆ most likely due to the fact that I was diagnosed withย Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Panic Disorder at the age of 19.
What is one thing no one really knows about you?
Hmm โฆ Iโm an open book, so some probably know this, but Iโve taken anti-depressants on and off for 8ย years now. I used to be ashamed, but not anymore. Theyโve improved my quality of life and I am soย grateful.
What would you say to 16 year old you?
I love this question. I would tell my 16-year-old self, โYOU ARE ENOUGH.โ I was always trying to changeย myself โ things like my hair and my body โ or even do things I didnโt love solely to make others happy orย to feel accepted. With age, Iโve learned that being who I am is enough and owning it is even better.
What is your greatest fear?
Itโs part of my Panic Disorder, but I am petrified of big bridges โ specifically, driving over them. I think itย boils down to a fear of heights. Iโm working on this daily!
What message do you think every woman should hear?
Invest the time to learn more about yourself. What makes you happy? What triggers you into anxiety?ย Self-awareness is a powerful thing, and we should all dedicate more time to it.
What is your favorite meal?
I L O V E most foods, but Iโd have to choose chocolate chip cookies, hands down. And donโt tell me thatโsย not a meal โฆ It is if you can eat as many in one sitting as I can!
If you werenโt doing the job you have now, what would you be doing?
I love my current job in marketing, but my dream is to be an inspirational speaker one day โฆ And I amย working toward that!
What is something on your bucket list?
Since the first grade Iโve wanted to go to Australia and I plan to someday!
Where do you find inspiration?
I find inspiration in every-day life. In nature, in my own struggles, from the people in my life โฆ I just feelย it!
What are your biggest passions?
My biggest passions work hand-in-hand: communication and relationship building. Communication is aย big part of my career in marketing, and also in my personal life with blogging. I live for meaningfulย connections and relationships, and communication plays a big role in that. To me, thereโs nothing betterย than a deep connection with another through good conversation.
More About Lisa

Lisa Gallo is a spirited marketer by day, fiance and dog mom by night. She has spent all 27 years of her life in the Sunshine State โ with some adventures thrown in, of course. She lives to create and develop meaningful relationships with others. Lisa loves traveling, meeting new people and going on adventures, but she alsoย thrivesย from routine โฆ most likely due to the fact that she was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Panic Disorder at the age of 19. Lisa started her blog, adventures & anxiety, as a form of expression and in hopes that her mental health journey can help others.