What's the Best Advice You've Ever Received?
With Kendra Allen
Introduce yourself! Who are you?
My name is Kendra Allen! I am 27 years old and live in Orange County, California with my husband (just married!) and our dog Dolly. I have a blog called Break Up Bestie where I write in the hopes of helping other women get through the tough time of a break up, getting back into dating, and finding happier and healthier relationships. I also work helping people with their social media and online presence with my company called Kit Agency. Another very important thing about me is I have been sober since I was 21 years old after years of suffering with a alcohol and drug problem and I do my best to advocate for sobriety and helping others get the help they need.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received?
The best advice I’ve ever received is from my Mom. After going through some really rough patches as a result of my drinking problem she told me that one day I was going to see this all as a “blessing in disguise” and that everything in life is either a gift or a lesson. Years later I can definitely see the blessing and I try to apply that to everything in life, not always successfully but whenever I’m going through discomfort I remember that most of my greatest growth and happiness came after a dark patch.
What is your greatest fear?
My greatest fear is definitely disappointing others and not being good enough. I’ve done a ton of work to overcome this fear but it still sticks with me. I’ve been taught by people in my life to “act as if” I have already overcome the fear which helps a lot. I think it will be a lifelong journey but as long as I’m making progress on this I know I’m at least moving in the right direction.
Have you ever had anyone doubt you? How did that make you feel?
I have definitely had people doubt me through the years. I started my first business when I was 18 with an ex boyfriend and after we broke up I remember him telling me I could never make the business work without him. Also being an entrepreneur you end up putting yourself out there a lot for people to doubt you, which is uncomfortable. I think being doubted makes me feel bummed because it’s tied to my greatest fear of not being good enough. On the flip side though, I am incredibly competitive and doubt can also be the fire under my butt that I need to make something happen- so it can absolutely be a gift.
What message do you think every woman should hear?
Well as someone who has a break up blog I’ll relate it to that- but I think another one of my favorite pieces of advice is that “this too shall pass”. Whenever we’re in pain or going through something that feels like it’s the end of the world if I can remember that just like a storm it will pass and the sun will be out again, I’m so much more calm and can be myself. Nothing lasts forever good or bad and knowing that everything is happening exactly how it’s supposed to- I have always gotten a lot of comfort out of that.
What do you love most about yourself?
I love my energy and my enthusiasm. It took me a long time hearing it from others but I now know that I have a light that I can light up a room with. I know that I can bring out the good in other people and I own that now.
Do you remember a specific time you overcame adversity?
Getting sober at 21 was a huge turning point in my life for me. I had used alcohol from the time I was 15 to numb my feelings and to escape the present moment and all of a sudden it wasn’t working anymore. I was having consequences from my drinking and completely losing all of my self-respect and self-esteem. I didn’t think I could have fun anymore without alcohol, or that I wouldn’t have friends anymore. But none of that was true- with a good support system and a willingness to face something that was scary, the sober life I live today is better than my wildest dreams. I have a lot of friends today, many who are also sober and I am able to so many more fun things without alcohol. I’ve been to Coachella, Vegas, concerts, bars, dancing all without alcohol. That was simultaneously my biggest adversity and my greatest gift.
What motivates you most?
At the end of the day I think I’m my biggest motivator. I know I’m the person who puts the biggest pressure on myself and so I know I’m working towards something that I’m really meant to do- my purpose. In addition to going through problems with alcohol I have also had my fair share of bad relationships and break ups, including an emotionally abusive relationship from 18-21. Being able to go through break ups the wrong way enough times I was finally able to learn what it feels like to go through a break up with dignity, stay single while I got to know myself, and learn exactly what I wanted and deserved- I knew I had to share that with other people. I realized I weirdly loved helping people with their break ups. That’s where the idea for Break Up Bestie came in and I’m so excited to see it grow.
What do you do on a daily basis to grow and move forward?
I actually do quite a bit, I think I have a slight addiction to this and luckily my husband is similar so we’re able to do this stuff together. I attend regular recovery meetings where I can meet with a support group and stay accountable on my recovery path. Every morning I do a self-care checklist that I learned from the amazing Danika Brysha (@danikabrysha) who I am very fortunate to be able to work for. I also read as much as possible, definitely every night before bed. I also have found it’s really important for me to stay current with girlfriends because they’re my mirrors and can help me see things I can’t see in myself. Lastly I try to journal as often as possible so I can be honest with myself on what’s really going on with me. All of those things have been so helpful for me and in my life.
Where do you find inspiration?
I know Instagram and social media can get a bad rap but I absolutely love finding inspiration on Instagram. Following successful female entrepreneurs and watching their lives is so inspiring and motivating to me. I also find a lot of inspiration in journaling- whenever I can put pen to paper I have stuff come out on paper that I didn’t even realize I had in me. If I’m ever feeling stuck, uncomfortable, or lost turning into a journal is the best thing I can do for myself.
What are your biggest passions?
I love helping people and I love connecting people- I try to bring that to the work I do every day. Personally I’m really passionate about exploring- my husband and I love to hike and do crazy things like jump off cliffs into the ocean. I’m extremely active and could never picture my life without exercise and movement. I’m also very passionate about my miniature golden doodle named Dolly 🙂 And as I mentioned before, I really love being able to help women walk through break ups.
More About Kendra
Kendra Allen is 27 years old and lives in Orange County, California with her husband (just married!) and their dog Dolly. She has a blog called Break Up Bestie where she writes in the hopes of helping other women get through the tough time of a break up, getting back into dating, and finding happier and healthier relationships. Kendra also works helping people with their social media and online presence with her company called Kit Agency. She has been sober since she was 21 years old after years of suffering with a alcohol and drug problem and does her best to advocate for sobriety and helping others get the help they need.