Hi, my name is Ruth Theodora. 

Last year, I broke up with my boyfriend, after an almost 4 year relationship. Before we broke up, we were already planning for our marriage. We did everything for our marriage, such as like, saved money together, went to wedding exhibitions, looked for a wedding dress, and even prepared to book a place in Bali. 

But, two weeks after that, his attitude started to change. I thought it was just because of the effect of his family problems, because from the beginning of 2016, my ex-boyfriend had a really big family problem. But everything that I thought, it was all wrong. He started to ask “what is the point of this life?” or “what is the point for me to work?” and in the end he asked “what is the point for our relationship?”.

After he asked me that, our relationship started to became worse. He ignored me, he never replied to my messages, and he just forgot all about me. At that point, I tried to save our relationship by messaging him, calling him, sending him some food to his place, and I even asked a friend of ours who was already married and close with my ex, to talk to my ex.

After my friend talked with my ex, he explained to me that my ex thought he couldn’t continue this relationship because he was afraid of marriage. He wasn’t ready to have a serious commitment, because he thought that marriage wasn’t some easy thing. He thought that most married couples just had a really bad end  and he thought, “what is the point of marriage if in the end I just split with her?”.

At that moment, I cried really hard. I just didn’t understand why he thought something like that. After all this time, after every promise that he said to me, after all our dreams to have a happy family. I just cried, and cried, every single day. I lost weight and I couldn’t eat anything. Every day was just a bad day for me. I even thought of killing myself, but every time I thought about that I couldn’t do it because I remembered the faces of people who loved me, like my family and all of my friends. 

After two weeks I talked with my friend and finally, my ex called me and asked me to meet. At this point, I knew that he wanted to end this relationship, but half of my heart hoped that he would apologize to me and continue our relationship. Finally, I met with him and yes, he ended the relationship with the same reason he told our friend. After all the things that he had to say, I just asked a few questions about what the meaning of our relationship was for him and about all of the promises that he said before. He couldn’t give me a straight answer and he admitted that he was guilty of everything. After I heard that, I just left him.

I promised myself that I would never look back to him. I deleted every single picture that we had and threw away every single thing that he gave to me. I said to myself that I deserved someone better than him, that every single tear was too precious for him. I started to set new goals for my life. I started to change the way I think, from “I am just a woman, who needs a man in my life” into “ I’m an independent woman so I can do everything myself and my life doesn’t depend on any relationship or man”. I started to focus on my career, my family, and my friends, and the most important thing was I started to forgive my ex. Why should I forgive him after everything that he did to me? Because when I could forgive him, I could let everything go. It made me quickly understand my new situation and understand that everything happened for a reason, which I believed would be good for my future. 

And after 6 months of struggle, finally, I could really move on from everything. Now, with my experience, I can help so many girls out there who have the same experience as me. I can help them to change the way they think about relationships and boyfriends. I can also help them to continue living their life. Besides, after I broke up with my ex, I could pursue my dream job because my focus was not only about our relationship anymore. Back then, after I broke up with my ex, I thought “what will my future be without him?” and now, all I can say is I have a really great life and it’s better than I thought it would be.

More About Ruth

Ruth Theodora is an aspiring blogger based in Indonesia.
Her passions include the sea, traveling, fashion, music, and Jesus.

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